Challenge Accepted
by UknownHero
Summary: ONE-SHOT! There was one thing you should never do and that was underestimate the power of a Phantom Thief. The other thing you should never do is underestimate Akira Kurusu because if you dare challenge him... well, it's your funeral. Sae Niijimi learnt this the hard way.


Hey, UknownHero here and welcome to a oneshot that I am writing at 10pm while listening to Achievement Hunter compilations and has been on my mind for about a few days. This… isn't supposed to be polished but… yeah. Was planning to make it an omake for Senran Persona but… fuck it. The beta title of this was "Akira is an Asshole". You're… about to see why.

New Game… Start!

 **Challenge Accepted  
(By UknownHero)**

Sae Niijima was someone that you'd expect to be prepared for anything. Generally seen as a strong, serious and competent woman in a male dominated profession, she was someone no one should really mess with. It was an uphill battle, but she had proven herself as a great asset in the police force. She had directed many investigations in her career, solve many cases and had endured interrogations that had gone on for days where all of her skills were put to the test.

This was no different… even if this kid is the leader of the Phantom Thieves.

She couldn't believe it at first, having met the boy multiple times throughout the year. The leader of the infamous Phantom Thieves was right under her nose all this time and she didn't even realize it. Though, she had to give the kid credit, he was an actor. From this quiet kid who probably wouldn't hurt fly if it wasn't for his prior criminal record to this cunning, hot-blooded thief. He was able to adopt a different persona in an instant around so different people, so it wouldn't be much of a surprise for him to develop enough connections to help him with his activities in under a year.

As she walked into the interrogation room, she estimated she only had an hour, two hours tops before she was forced to stop questioning him. She needed to make it quick, find out as much information as she could, learn about whatever the Hell this "other world" truly was and find his accomplices. This was just another interrogation to her.

But she made a fatal mistake.

She underestimated Akira Kurusu.

She never saw it coming.

"Now, tell me your account of everything." Sae said to the boy. Those bastards drugged him so his memories were going to be difficult to recall. "…Start from the very beginning."

"…The very beginning?" Akira asked, forcing down the devious smirk trying to break out from his face.

"Every single detail." The prosecutor said in a stern tone.

Challenged accepted.

 **(1:54:45 until interrogation ends)**

"I actually got a job at a convenience store. The woman who worked with me was really nice and kindly helped out when I was overwhelmed by customers. I mean, what the Hell, that many people going to a convenience store late at night was goddamn unnatural! Anyway, on my first day…"

This… was not what she expected.

Sure there were moments where he would daze and she had to snap him back into reality but overall the drugs seemed to have little effect on his long term memory, with Akira being able to recall surprising amounts of detail. It was amazing, honestly. To what was on the news on certain days to even his financial standings. Still, it annoyed her that he took her seriously when he was told to recall every single detail but eventually he would skip over his more boring days either because they were not worth mentioning or other circumstances.

She just had to be patient.

 **(1:39:13 until interrogation ends)**

"…We decided to spray paint our vehicle with our logo because why not. I let Fox take care of the design since he was basically our publicity slash design guy by then. Of course, Mona didn't like that at all. He was yelling at us the entire time as we did. Though, in hindsight it was probably a bad idea to do it in the middle of exploring Mementos. We were first attacked by, um… two High Pixies, an Orobas, two Inugami and an Archangel. A combination we haven't seen or encountered since so it was pretty hard take them down. Thanks to our support at the time and me owning those Personas previously we were able to remember that Archangel was weak to Bless and Curse, Inugami was weak to Wind, Orobas was also Weak to Bless, and High Pixie was weak to Gun and Nuclear. I knew I had a tough fight ahead of me, but luckily all those previous trips to Mementos had prepared me and with some tedious fusions I managed to make one of my Personas know Wind and Nuclear skills. But, since I was using Eligor before I had to switch to that Persona, reducing the amount of time I had to act. However, I didn't need that extra time. I quickly casted Garula…"

It felt like an hour. She hoped it was an hour already. But this kid wouldn't stop talking! He described every single encounter he had with these Shadow enemies, always bringing the resistances and weaknesses of the various foes and guards that stood in his way. Not to mention, he called using bullets "Gun" every damn time it came up. It was obvious he had someone provide weapons for him and his merry band of thieves but did he really have to state every time his teammate Panther missed? Or how much money and what items his enemies dropped every single time? Or how about every time he made a lockpick he would _go into meticulous detail about how he crafts and every single miniscule mistake he made every time he made a lockpick that night!?_

"…And in the middle of casting Hama, I realized that I ran out of lockpicks so I told Mona to remind me to make more lockpicks tomorrow."

At this point, Sae wanted to choke the boy, but she knew he would make a mistake a slip. So, she kept listening. Checking her watch, she realized over 20 minutes have passed since she started this interrogation.

She silently wished she brought coffee.

 **(1:09:21 until interrogation ends)**

"…There are two main species of coffee beans in the world, Coffee Arabica, and Coffee Robusta. More than three-quarters of the beans that are sold in the world today are Coffea Arabica, the majority of the remainding bulk are Coffea Robusta also known as Coffea Canephora. Coffee Robustabeans are of a lower grade than Arabica, and are typically grown at lower elevations. They are easier to grow and maintain, and they are also more disease resistant and produce a higher yield. Robusta beans have more of an astringent flavor and contain a higher amount of caffeine. Coffee Arabica beans are the higher quality beans and are referred to as gourmet coffee. They have half the amount of caffeine as Robusta and have more pleasing flavours and aromatic properties. Most Arabica bean varieties are name after their country or region in which they are found, or originated from. Other bean species include: benghalensis, Bengal coffee; Coffea congensis, Congo coffee; Coffea liberica, Liberian coffee; Coffea stenophylla, Sierra Leonian coffee; Coffea excelsia, another Liberian coffee; Coffea bonnieri; Coffea gallienii; and Coffea mogeneti, however these beans are non-existent in the export market. I also learned about the lifecycle of a coffee bean before they're grounded down. Harvesting. Picking. Sorting. Processing. Hulling. Polishing. Cleaning, sorting and grading. Exporting. Tasting. Roasting. And the inevitable process of turning the liquid into urine. During the harvesting process…"

He just had to live above a coffee shop. His guardian had to be a barista. She wished that she was his guardian if it meant _getting him to shut up about coffee._ Biting her lip to stop herself from blowing up. She started thinking about the warm bath she was going to have after sending this asshole to juvie. Thinking about relaxing with a good book, maybe treat herself to a slice of cake after a job well done.

Thinking about how she was going to throw away all her coffee and trade it for booze.

 **(0:58:54 until interrogation ends)**

She had a flask on her right now.

"Orpheus is a legendary musician, poet, and prophet in ancient Greek religion and myth. The major stories about him are centered on his ability to charm all living things and even stones with his music, his attempt to retrieve his wife, Eurydice, from the underworld, and his death at the hands of those who could not hear his divine music. As an archetype of the inspired singer, Orpheus is one of the most significant figures in the reception of classical mythology in Western culture, portrayed or alluded to in countless forms of art and popular culture including poetry, film, opera, music, and painting…"

It was filled with strongest alcohol she could handle.

"…Orpheus' backstory was actually pretty similar to Izanagi's, the god of Japan if you didn't know. Izanagi, いざなぎ, recorded in the Kojiki as 伊邪那岐 and in the Nihon Shoki as 伊弉諾, is a deity born of the seven divine generations in Japanese mythology and Shinto, and his name in the Kojiki is roughly translated to as "he-who-invites" or Izanagi-no-mikoto. He is also known as Izanagi-no-Okami. He with his spouse and younger sister Izanami gave birth to the many islands of Japan, and begat numerous deities of Shintoism. But she died after giving birth to the fire-god Kagu-tsuchi. Izanagi executed the fire god with the "ten-grasp sword", the Totsuka-no-Tsurugi. Afterwards, he paid his wife a visit in Yomi-no-kuni in the hopes of retrieving her. But she had partaken of food cooked in the furnace of the Underworld, rendering her return impossible. Izanagi betrayed his promise not to look at her, and lit up a fire, only to behold her in her monstrous and hellish state. To avenge her shame, she dispatched the lightning god Yakusa no ikazuchi no kami and the horrible hag Yomotsu-shikome to chase after him. Izanagi escaped, but the goddess declared to kill a thousand of his people every day. Izanagi retorted that a thousand and five hundred will be born every day. Quite a gripping story really. I actually learned that from some guy with grey hair…"

If it wasn't for the fact that this asshole was somehow still going through his everyday life in painful detail even with these tangents, she would be drunk by now. Fuck being professional, fuck this case, she wanted to not be here right now.

"Oh, by the way, this point I had sex with your sister about, like, five times at this point. In your bed. While you were still home. I think I still have the video on my laptop at home… I'm pretty sure Oracle has a copy too…"

And now she wanted to trade her booze for a gun.

To shoot herself with.

 **(0:41:22 until interrogation ends)**

"You try to run me through. Hold on. Think again. Don't you know what you're starting but... you sure ain't got a clue. How bad this will go. Don't you know. Know my art. Art of war. And as you look to the horizon not a cloud but then stormy weather's caught you cold seems like it crept up out of nowhere all around you it's not quite what you foretold. You'll never see it coming. You'll see that my mind is too fast for eyes. You're done in. By the time it's hit you, your last surprise. You think you got your game planned out to a T Yet I'm two steps ahead yeah. So... you step into my way. Stand down. It's a trap. One more step. And you're dead. Yeah you're dead. Why just a picosecond ago clear blue skies but now lightning's struck your last resolve. It's not an accident that no one hears your cries as your last strength seems to dissolve. You'll never see it coming. You'll see that my mind is too fast for eyes. You're done in. By the time it's hit you, your last surprise. I'm coming for you. My game's always so fast, so fine. You're spun in by the net you didn't catch it in time. Better think about your game. Are you sure your next move's the right one for you? Are you sure you won't get outmaneuvered again and again my friend? You'll never see it coming. You'll see that my mind is too fast for eyes. You're done in. By the time it's hit you, your last surprise. I'm coming for you. My game's always so fast, so fine. You're spun in by the net you didn't catch it in time."

Sae had to admit his boy could sing. He was that good.

"BABYBABYBABYBABYYYYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!"

 **(0:35:29 until interrogation ends)**

"Oh, I remember that day was the day your sister wanted to experiment. It involved lemons and…"

And… that was something Sae proceeded to erase from her memories as this asshole went into disturbing detail about he and her sister's sex life.

Though, in about two week's time she came to the horrible realization that she wanted to try those out too.

 **(0:23:51 until interrogation ends)**

"…'Do you wanna know why I use pies?' The Gagster said. 'Cakes are too quick. You can't savor all the little... _taste sensations_. You see, when forced to choose cake or pie, people show you their true taste.' But Cakeman didn't have any of his bullshit. 'I'm _nothing_ like you...' He declared. 'You're a psychopath who _bakes for money!_ '"

It was around this time Sae began to realize she was making a genuine connection with the jackass who had taken her challenge way too seriously. Despite the bond, she promised herself to visit a psychiatrist after this.

"'WHERE IS SHE!?'"

 **(0:05:00 until interrogation ends)**

"And… I got dragged onto this chair here and waited for you to arrive. When you did, you noticed my sorry state and took pity on me. You started questioning me and told me to start from the beginning on the April 8th. From there, I started my story by saying that I woke up on the train on the way to my home for the year. I-"

"For the love **GOD** , you are not starting again!" Sae snapped, finally having enough of the boy's ramblings.

"You told me to start from the very beginning and to every single detail." Akira replied with a smug look on his face. "And I haven't done that yet. Anyway, when I-"

"STOP!" Sae screamed out. "I don't care anymore! Just stop talking!"

"But I haven't…" Akira started before Sae slammed her hands onto the table and shoved all the documents off it and onto the ground.

"I'll do anything for you! I'll be like that maid you had visit frequently for free! I'll let you date my sister! I'll even let you have all the fucking coffee in the world! Just! Shut! Up!" Sae begged.

Akira just smirked.

"Anything?" Akira asked. Sae only nodded in response. Akira just smirked as his more recent memories came back to him. "Well then, here. Listen closely…"

 **(Four months after interrogation)**

"Was all of that really necessary, Joker?" Futaba deadpanned at her leader. The Phantom Thieves had gathered in Leblanc, a week after Akira's release, and their local Trickster had just finished his short explanation about how he managed to manipulate Sae into trusting him and eventually aiding him and his friends in saving humanity and releasing him from prison. Ryuj and Morgana were laughing too hard to say anything, Ann and Haru were just staring at him in shock and Yusuke was too busy eating curry to pay attention to the story. Only Futaba and Makoto were the only ones able to say anything to their leader.

"Yes. Yes it was." Akira replied smoothly before taking a sip of his coffee and leaning back. "Of course, I lied about a few things and drag things out but I'd say that went off without a hitch."

"I've been seeing my sister buy bourbon for a week." Makoto said with a sigh. "And did you really have to talk about the lemon thing?" She whispered into her boyfriend's ear. He actually told a distilled version of the story. He told the full, uncensored one to Makoto. She… wasn't happy afterwards. "You're lucky she's not an alcoholic because of you."

"What can I say?" Akira said with his devil-may-care smile. "I can't resist a good challenge."

"Th-There is no way you can top that!" Ryuji laughed out, wiping away his tears. Akira only smirked at that.

Challenge accepted.

Save Game… End!

Whew! Done! And… it just turned to 1am. Hooray!

UknownHero signing out, my friends!


End file.
